I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm always down for nudity.
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