Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
