you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize