How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
