who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
