she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
