Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
