I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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