yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
