You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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