I'm going to jail i love you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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