Define "chronic" masturbator.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
