Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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