Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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