She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
