During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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