I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
