It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
