Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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