I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I deserve this hangover.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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