I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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