goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
