So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
