Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
