Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
