i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
