No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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