I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
