Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
