that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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