Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i need some magic done to my vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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