I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
