dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
