Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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