I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
