At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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