I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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