It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
