come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
