whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
