morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
