before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
