Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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