u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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