yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
