How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
