You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
