Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
