thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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