i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My liver just had a heart attack.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
