Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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