Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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