I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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