How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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