Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
