So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
