he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He? As in you personified your dick?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
