oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I forget how to act sober
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
