i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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