this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
