It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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