i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
