Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
