I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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