Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
