Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
