Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
