WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love having hate sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
